Not Me | 75th Blog

No, don’t think too much. It is me, Bareen!

Don’t confuse yourself into thinking which product/ brand I’m going to talk about because today it’s not your beauty guru B13 talking, it is going to be Bareen, coming bare in front of you.

This place has always been dedicated to one sole topic and that is all about Beauty and Fashion. I have never spoken about myself here, maybe because I’m comfortable talking about other stuff than me or I’m just too shy to open up. Whatever the reason might be, being this my 75th page of this beauty diary which I call mine, I thought of going personal.

So the reason of this blog is, past few days I’m very depressed ( ya! my life isn’t as perfect as it seems). I haven’t been depressed for a long long time. I suffered from severe depression few years back and I thought I overcame it and I was happy but then suddenly, it wasn’t the same merry kingdom of mine. Most of the time, I don’t even know what’s troubling me so much that I have to gasp for air. I go cold as my heart feels weak to pump blood up my throat. My body feels numb and the smallest things makes me throw tantrums.

And no! I’m not PMSing if you think.

These past years, all I’m trying is to be motivational and spread good vibes but now I’m the one feeling demotivated. This is not a sympathy call whatsoever. You can say I’m overreacting because I feel the same. But I know and I’m sure that I’m not the only one who feels this. I know most of the time people wont get you and how you feel. But I’m here for you. I want you to know, even if there is no one around you to listen, I’ll be there! I know it’s hard to open up and that too to someone unknown. But I personally feel good sharing to someone unknown as they won’t judge me and I might never even meet them.

Also, I wrote a poem as nothing else seemed to work and words have always been my companion. So if you don’t mind:

It was going good!
And by it, I mean Life.
I know they say,
'Life is not a bed of roses,
There will be falls and there will be rises.'

But I was on the happy chapter
Where everything was almost perfect,
where I was Myself, I suspect.
And then the Life happened.
Ghosts of the past that haunted.
I had forgotten the pain in the chest,
I know my heart was at a rest.
All it did then was beat
But now it seems it's gone weak.

I feel cold sometimes.
Need someone to hold sometimes.
And cry my heart out,
But how can I, when I don't have the pain figured out.
Everyone now around me is mad,
Because I'm acting weird,
And it's all making me more feared.
I know I might sound crazy,
But everything in my head is hazy.

All I hope is to end this terror,
I know I'll soon get better.

Sorry if I spoiled your mood with this sad talk but I wrote it so that you could reach out to me. Comment down anonymous or send me a mail. I promise I won’t judge you or disclose your identity. I just want to be the person with whom you can share your pain and feel lightened. I have this platform but most don’t.

Hope you find this helpful. I know depression and it can be very bad. Just open up and be happy! As I did.

Your friend, Bareen.